My prayer life BK {before kids} was flourishing.
For several years while I was single, and then when my husband and I were dating and engaged, I worked at a large parish where I was surrounded by opportunities to indulge in the sweetest delights of spiritual life: I attended Mass every day and made a holy hour every night. I prayed some part of the Liturgy of the Hours once a day, and I went to spiritual direction monthly.
I thought I had pretty much arrived at the door of holiness. It never occurred to me that a thriving prayer life could look any differently from the beautiful rhythm I had created for myself.
All that changed when I became a mama. And by that I mean way before my firstborn even popped out, I had basically become a heathen. Because morning sickness. And fatigue, and aching bones, and swollen feet and…. I had a mile-long list of excuses for not making it to daily Mass, for skipping holy hours, and for neglecting to make time for personal prayer.
And then life with a newborn happened. Sometimes the sleepless nights and “mommy brain” made me feel like I didn’t even know how to pray anymore. A pitiful “Dear God, please make him go to sleep” in the middle of the night, or a hurried “Oh dear Jesus, HELP!” as the baby simultaneously projectile vomited and pooped all over me, was often all I could manage. Getting through each day was the priority.
Francisco
I loved Our Lord, and I happily attended Mass each Sunday, but something crucial was missing: I didn’t work to cultivate a relationship with Him in this new phase of life I had entered. I only spoke to Him when I needed His help stat {which was actually many times a day} — and I wasn’t interested in listening much to what He wanted to say to me.
Every now and then, I would remember the daily holy hours of my past life, and it would hit me like a two-by-four to the back of my weary head: I don’t talk to God enough. I don’t tell Him I love Him anymore. I felt guilty for neglecting the One who had been my priority; and more than that, I actually missed Him.
Five years and two more little people later, I still struggle to make my friendship with Jesus the priority in my daily life. It’s often hard to strike the right balance between serving my husband and children and making time for deeply connecting my heart with God. But, unlike when I was a new wife and mom, I’m now able to understand that those two things don’t have to be in competition. In fact, they are intricately connected.
Paradise in the ordinary.
My love for God is only as great as the love I have for each person in my family.
Holy hours, daily Mass, and spiritual direction can be beautiful expressions of a healthy prayer life — and maybe mine will look like that again someday — but they are no more beautiful than folding laundry, bandaging scraped knees, or cleaning up spilled juice for the hundredth time, because this is where I choose love day in and day out. This is where my faith and works finally meet each other; this is where I learn to make the Gospel truths more than platitudes in my life.
As you do to the least of these, so you do to Me.
I still have to remind myself of this on a regular basis. And I still have plenty of moments when I fail to choose love — when I would rather go to a holy hour or lock myself in my room and pray, than to serve the little people standing in front of me.
But this is what prayer looks like in motherhood. It’s not so much about a set schedule or opening a prayer book as it is about making all of life a prayer, an offering of love.
[Edited to add: Of course, the Mass is the pinnacle of worship, and we should always prioritize our Sunday obligation. These five suggestions are not meant to replace the Mass! 🙂 ]
Here are five spiritual life hacks that have helped transform my daily life into a real prayer life.
1. Be flexible.
Don’t get too attached to just one way of praying, or you will set yourself up for a lot of frustration. {Ask me how I know.} Life with kids is a constant adventure — so allow yourself the freedom to experience new ways of praying as your family goes through different seasons. When you are up every two hours all night nursing a newborn, you may not be able to make that 7am daily Mass. And that’s ok for this season of life.
2. The Morning Offering.
This little prayer is recommended by all the wisest and holiest ones, and there’s a reason for it. If you’ve offered your day and everything in it to Jesus from the very beginning, then you’re pretty much guaranteed to reap the spiritual fruits of your labors, even amidst the chaos of errands and diapers and chores. And on the days that you’re just hanging on for dear life, the Morning Offering can be your life-line, helping you remember that no moment has to be insignificant or wasted.
There are many variations of the Offering, but one of my favorites is this one by St. Therese. Pray it in the shower, or while you’re fixing breakfast for the kids, or even before you climb out of bed in the morning.
I promise, the Offering won’t disappoint.
3. Just the Gospel.
The Gospels are ever a school of love, where we see Christ in action and hear His words speaking directly to our hearts. If you find yourself with five quiet {or not so quiet} minutes sometime during your day, use the opportunity to read and reflect on the Gospel passage from the Mass of the day.
You can find the readings on the USCCB website, or check your app store for readings on the go {I love this one on my iPad.} Blessed is She — a wonderful Catholic women’s online community — also has free daily Gospel reflections, which are a beautiful way to read and reflect.
4. Holy aspirations.
Holy aspirations are part of a long tradition of piety that I think many modern Catholics have forgotten, yet they are one of the easiest ways to pray throughout the day. Aspiration means both breathing in and a strong desire or longing — a perfect description of a short prayer that unites our longing hearts with God’s.
Aspirations can be any short prayer — one that is formal, or one that you compose out of the need of the moment. Some of my favorites:
Jesus, I trust in You!
O Mary, Help of Christians, pray for us!
O Sacrament most holy, O Sacrament divine, all praise and all thanksgiving be every moment Thine!
Sweet Heart of Jesus, be my love; sweet heart of Mary, be my salvation!
Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine.
Most chaste heart of Joseph, pray for us!
5. Make it visible.
This is one of the most helpful practices in my prayer life today.
Ever wonder why our churches are full {or they should be!!} of gorgeous stained glass, crucifixes, statues, and flowers? Because all of that beauty points our minds and hearts to Heaven and focuses our attention on prayer. While many of us aren’t able to get to church more often than for Sunday Mass, we can still beautify the domestic churches of our homes.
- Make a family altar, where you all can gather to pray together.
- Print out inspiring quotes from Scripture and the Saints, and post them around the house where you can read them throughout the day {bathroom mirror, refrigerator door, car dashboard, bulletin board, etc.}.
- Decorate your walls with prints of Our Lady, the Sacred Heart, or your favorite saints. {Check out Cassie Pease Designs for some inspiring prints and posters!}
- Hang a crucifix in every bedroom.
- Add statues to your shelves or window sills.
- Put a holy water font by your front door.
Family altar.
With at least some small reminder of Heaven in each room of the house, it becomes easier to keep our minds and hearts centered on God and eternity. {Added bonus: it’s harder to yell at the kids when there are holy people all over your walls!}
Dear mamas of little ones, a flourishing prayer life and a deep friendship with Our Lord are possible, not in spite of, but because of, the smallest actions of our daily lives.
How do you build your domestic church? What are your tips for developing a prayer life while raising small children? I’d love to hear from you!
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Lydia, thank you for this article! It meets me right where I’m at right now! Two chubby babies later, and I’m still working on understanding what my prayer life should be. Thank you!
Hi Megan! So glad it’s helpful! 🙂